Am I being insensitive?

Question

My sister is 10 years older than me. I’m 25. 
She never wanted kids, but accidentally got pregnant in 2017, while hubby and I were struggling with infertility. She was “ok” with the pregnancy, didn’t show any excitement or anything, but oh well, everybody is different, right? 
She also didn’t know about our struggle but I was really happy for her and her boyfriend. I would ask her how she was feeling and just genuinely care about it. Unfortunately she ended up losing the baby at 8 weeks.
Well, after 18 months of fertility treatments we found out we were expecting. I didn’t tell my dad’s side of the family until I was almost 13 weeks since my sister’s loss had a big hit on my dad (it was his first grandkid). 
I texted her a cute ultrasound picture saying “hi auntie” and she called me right away and she was so happy and excited and all over the moon for us. That lasted for about a week. She would call me and ask about the baby and how I was feeling.
Then nothing. That was back in September. Take in account that we live in different countries so our main communication is through texts and calls. 
I’ve sent her pictures of the nursery, the belly, other ultrasounds, she just doesn’t seem to care? 
If I send her pictures of my dogs she is all about it, but if I send her anything baby related she shuts down.
I’m hurt, we had a great relationship before I moved to the US, and until I got married. But I also don’t know if maybe her loss is more of a reality now that my baby is almost here and I should just not share baby stuff with her because it hurts her?

Answer

Well, there’s 2 pieces for this. If most of your communication is via text it could be really hard to actually tell how she’s feeling. Sometimes people just type out something really quickly and move on. Especially if there’s a big time difference. So maybe she is excited it’s just coming out wrong. On the other side she could be a little bummed about it. Now that she’s seeing you get further and further along maybe it’s made her think about her loss. If you are close I’d just openly ask her if it bothers her when you share the baby stuff with her. Just phrase it gently.

Answer

As someone who has experienced miscarriage, it’s not something you just “get over”. Despite the fact that she didn’t really seem interested in her own pregnancy, the fact that she had a loss causes grief.
In my opinion it may not have hit her until you sent her more things baby related.
I’d give her some space for now. Ask her when you’re on a call if she would prefer you not send her baby related stuff through text. & how does she feel about it going forward.

Answer

I would ask her if she is bothered by you sharing baby stuff. She should be able to tell you yes or no. She might still be hurt by the miscarriage

Answer

Ouch. I'm sure she is really hurting. I'm meeting my Mono/Di girls in 5 days and still hurt over my stillbirth 6 years ago. I'd say back off for while and let her come to you. Ut may feel like you're rubbing it in her face to her. Especially if you are spamming her with baby stuff.

Answer

It's a fine line. 
My sister has experienced miscarriages, and when I got pregnant with my dd1 she called me a whore, hated me, and completely ostracized herself from me. I thought I had lost my sister. 
I didn't discuss my pregnancy with her, I didn't send her pictures, I didn't include her because I knew it hurt. When I  was in labor she didn't want to come to the hospital, but my dad made her. She made a scene and didn't stay. She came back a few hours later, and then left. 
It hurt, but I understood. 
Now I'm pregnant with number two after having the worst year of my life and I didn't tell her until I was close to 14 weeks. I dropped off a bottle of wine and a six pack for her husband and left a note saying I loved them and that I wanted them to react however they needed. 
It took her a few hours to respond but she said she was hurt that I had to tell her that way, but that the booze was a nice touch. 
She's actually been interested in this baby, and I can't wait to see how she is as an aunt this time around. She's wonderful with my oldest girl, and I know it'll be better.

Am I being insensitive?

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