Just sad, disappointed, and feeling alone
I’m having a really hard time today. I’m just so sad and disappointed because it’s apparent my husband does not want to take the classes I signed us up for at the hospital. I only signed us up for the birth classes (which are 4 hours a day on Sat/Sun) and Infant CPR (which is 1.5 hours on a Tuesday night). Says people have been having babies for thousands of years and didn’t take classes. He initially seemed excited to sign up for them, it’s not like he went into it blindsided by my decision, we did talk about it. But now he’s saying he felt pressured by me that he has to do it. One of the birth classes falls on his work day, so he was going to take the day off, but he works grounds crew and is worried now about taking off because we might get a bad snow storm. I don’t even think the work/snow storm is the issue, I honestly think he doesn’t want to do it at all. Bitches about how it’s 8 hours total and how he has to take off work (not like he’s in love with his job or anything). Thinks we can just learn the infant CPR stuff from online and doesn’t want to have to take a test for the CPR (I’m not sure if there is a test involved or not, but the class does have a small fee, so I suspect maybe). Says he hates classes/school, which is why he never went to get a masters degree, so why would he want to take these classes, he says.
I’m just disappointed that he doesn’t want to do this. And that even if he doesn’t want to do it, he’s not sucking it up to support me, because I want to do it. Im fine to skip the CPR one, as I believe we’ve both had it before, and I really think we could reference online materials for a refresher, but I’m really sad about the birth class. I really don’t want to go by myself to it and I don’t really want to ask someone else to come, because I don’t want to shed him in a bad light and he’s the one that would be in the room when I’m having this baby. I want him to want to go and it’s really breaking my heart that he doesn’t. I don’t ask for a lot. I don’t ask for massages or random trips out for cravings. I still do everything around the house and for us that I was doing pre-pregnancy. I work hard at a new, stressful job I don’t really enjoy that makes me the breadwinner of our family. I just feel a lot of pressure.
I know he’s stressed too about all the changes and he doesn’t handle stress well, so I think that’s a lot of the problem here. I know he’s real stressed about getting our spare room ready for the baby, which hasn’t happened yet, so he’s probably thinking it’s a better use of our time to do that than the classes. And of course his job is stressing him out, because the schedule can be unpredictable in the winter because of the snow. We’re due in early April so there’s not a ton of time and the baby shower is next month, so we need space for all the new stuff. Plus we need to get the rest of the house ready. And we still have to figure out our parental leave and childcare arrangements.
In addition, my mom is really sick and in a nursing home for now in our hometown, about 1.5 hours away. Im her MPOA, so I’m involved a lot in her care, but haven’t been able to see her much because of the distance and the weather. I’m afraid I’m reaching a breaking point and I’m not cut out for the things I thought I was. I want to be mad at my husband but I also don’t want the stress of fighting about it. But I’m also just sad that it would come to it in the first place. I want him to want to take the classes with me, and I can’t have that. I’m jealous of other women who’s partners did so enthusiastically. I just want to run away and cry.