It’s almost 1a.m. Where I am and I can’t seem to fall asleep. All I can think about is how I couldn’t breastfeed my son. we hit tons of obstacles and we tried very hard.

He was born 8 weeks premature so there was obstacle #1, he refused to latch no matter what we did so I then decided to exclusively pump. I became so sad and angry at myself and began to despise the thought of pumping or breastfeeding, but I hang in there and kept pumping. Soon my son had to have a CDH repair and the stress ate at me. I couldn’t think of anything other than my sedated baby on the hospital gurney crib in front of me. I hadn’t pumped in 2 days, and then 2 days turned into 2 weeks.. it’s been a little over a month now and My milk supply is close to nothing. My son is home and doing well and I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and try again. So I try to latch him to my breast before feeding him to stimulate my breast to produce milk and to also get him used to the feeling of a nipple rather than a bottle in his mouth (basically becoming a human pacifier as often as possible). But he still didn’t have a good enough latch and I still had almost no milk. We were seen by speech therapy (my son has T21) and they noticed he has a tongue tie. We will be snipping that as soon as possible. It just seems as if every time I try to breast feed my son something else goes wrong. It’s always been a dream of mine to be able to breastfeed my children and bond with them in that time, but I’ve had absolutely no luck. I’m still going to try to relactate and produce milk for my son so I’m really praying that I’m successful! 🤞🏼😕