I had barely turned 20 I have a now 3 year old.. A year ago today I got pregnant with my second baby I was still in HS because I had fallen behind I still live at home and I was having issues with my sons father I didn’t want it to happen everyone hears about the horror stories of depo right? I was on it for a year and conceived in less than 6 months I never thought it would happen, I was barely living my life I had started going out with friends more I had more freedom because I was FINALLY moving on from my toxic 5 year relationship. I didn’t want the pregnancy, he didn’t want the pregnancy he actually pushed me into having an abortion. I was in denial I continued to go out I continued to drink but I was also stressing out. I lost the baby at almost 7 weeks I believe I was being punished, after that I continued to go out I acted like it never happened. At almost 6 months it hit me I’ve been crying almost everyday for the past 6 months I feel like this is my fault I can’t forgive myself, he moved on he’s happy and I’m standing where I was before everything. I have to start all over and move on not only from this toxic relationship but also a loss. It’s a new year I don’t want to start like this but I just CANT I keep blaming myself I’ve isolated myself. Since the pregnancy started in January of 2018 I believe god sent me my angel so that I change so that my ex changed. I cannot move on I want a family I want a baby I am now 21 do I really want this? I don’t know what to do with myself I don’t want to be here anymore