I slept on the couch, staring at where you used to sit. I woke up still staring and expecting you to take your seat any second. I walked to the room where it happened. I replayed the whole night in my head. Imagining how you looked, trying to force myself to cry just so I could have some sort of feeling besides numbness. I picked up your phone and looked through every picture you took. Listened to every video too still trying to desperately hold on to the little bit I had left of you and begging myself to just cry.. I walked outside still numb and gazed at the beautiful blue sky. Felt how warm the sunshine was. Breathed in how wonderful the air smelled. And the only thing I could think was "how can the world be so beautiful without you?" And I finally cried. I cried because the birds were still flying. I cried because flowers were still blooming. I cried because tomorrow still happened and tomorrow was still so beautiful and because it gave me hope that there will be more tomorrows. I didn't think I could breath without you and here I was still breathing and although I was grieving and so.. terribly.. sad I was finally feeling something. I wasn't numb.