During my last relationship, I was really scared of the guy I was with, and he would always try to do sexual stuff whenever we were alone, even though I didn’t want to. The first time, I pushed him off of me, and he stopped. The second time, I had told him beforehand that I didn’t want to do anything, and he tried anyway. He was more touchy and persistent this time, and I had even put on extra layers of clothes because I really didn’t want to do anything, but he started doing stuff to me anyway. I just lied there, frozen, I didn’t know what to do. I had told him beforehand that I didn’t want to do anything and he still did stuff, but I didn’t definitively say “no” I’m the moment. I occasionally have flashbacks to that and I had tried breaking up with him multiple times and he wouldn’t let me. It grosses me out to think about, but idk what to do. I didn’t push him away or say no in that instance, but I also didn’t say yes. I didn’t say anything, I just laid there. I feel like it was wrong but I also don’t know if it would be considered rape since I froze, instead of fighting. I’ve been feeling a lot of feelings for a while that line up with ptsd from partner rape, and I’ve been in therapy for a few months, but it still feels weird to consider myself a “survivor” and on the same “level” as other people who have been raped because I know that so many other people have been through so much worse, and my experience just doesn’t feel as valid. I’ve thought maybe I was trying to make something out of nothing but I know he’s tried to do the same thing to at least one other girl, and I’ve only talked about it with my therapist and my 2 closest friends, and I’m not going to try to pursue any legal action or speak out about it because I hate talking about it, so there wouldn’t be any reason for me to make it up. Please let me know what you think, I’m just really confused.