Is this fair?

Question

So I’m 30 weeks pregnant and I’ve been thinking a lot about labor. I know I only want my boyfriend and my mom in the room while I’m giving birth. My mom lives 3 hr south of us and she said to call her when I start going into labor so she can drive up because she wants to be there. My boyfriends family also lives down there and his dad lives only an hr south of us. However I don’t really want his family to be in the hospital or to visit even after the baby comes until we get home and we get settled. I don’t really care for his parents they’re very manipulative and controlling and think they get a say in everything regarding the baby. I would rather not have them meet my daughter until I feel I’m ready to handle it. Is that fair of me to only call my mom when I go into labor and to wait to inform his family until after she’s born?

Answer

I don’t find this fair at all, but it is your personal right. I think it’s kind of messed up that a lot of women on here only want their family called and involved during labor and completely exclude the fathers family. It doesn’t matter what terms you’re on, I’m sure you can agree to be civil those days you’re in the hospital bc you just brought life into the world. It’s messed up how many stories I read on here like this. It’s selfish, but I also understand. I think you should call and inform them you’re in labor and they can come see her once you’re all settled. Don’t let them feel left out of their granddaughters birth if you’re going to allow your family to be there.

Answer

In my opinion I feel like you should at least let them come there to see the baby, maybe a day after the baby is born. Because your boyfriend is probably really excited and wanting to share the experience with HIS family. I know you will have family there but it won’t be the same as him having his family there to share the moment with. But girl, that’s up to you. You know what’s best 🙂 good luck 🙂

Answer

I think it’s definitely fair for you to pick who you want to be in the delivery room, however, your baby is your bf’s baby too so although it sucks, his family is now your baby’s family and you shouldn’t withhold the baby from them. I feel like its an all or nothing situation. Either no one visits until you feel ready for his family to visit, or his family gets to visit when your family does.

Answer

The issue is see is your not taking your partner into consideration.  You keep saying you hold, it's his too. And the only thing I see being unfair is his family having to wait until you get home to see baby while your family doesn't. I mean I get you choosing who is actually watching baby be born, but what's wrong with his parents maybe visiting the next day, even just seeing baby at the nurses station or something.  Ultimately,  you should speak to your partner and find out how he feels, but imo his parents should at least get to meet baby since your parents gets to

Answer

Your going to be going through the biggest life changing event you'll probably ever have, it's perfectly reasonable to take a few days to yourself and your baby while you get into the swing of it!

Answer

When I had my 1st. I made it very clear that I only wanted my husband in the room and if he couldn’t handle it then my sister would come in. I only wanted my parents at the hospital. I told them that u can only have 2 visitors at a time so what’s the point of everyone being at the hospital. It easier to just come to the house for a visit where it’s more comfortable for me. Some didn’t like my decision and I said “ah well!” After you give birth u will be tired and wanting to relax and spend time with ur hubby and new baby. Everyone else can wait. Xo 
Hope this helps

Answer

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Kill them with kindness and learn to stand up for yourself without being combative. You can be kind and firm at the same time. You also need to remember you’re starting a family with your bf. That means his family is going to be your family and vise versa. Don’t be shitty to family forge alliances with them instead. 
I’d call them when you go into labor. But make it clear that they have to wait till she’s born to see her. Labor and delivery is hard enough without added stress. Though again do it with kindness and stand firm behind your decision.

Answer

Yes, you’ll want to be as comfortable as possible while you’re going through labor! It’s not selfish at all to only want your mom there.

Answer

It is your right, but it’s not fair to them. It is their grandchild also, but they should learn to respect your wishes.. but I totally get where you’re coming from, my MIL is not my favorite person 🥴 she’s only around so she can be the first person to post things on Facebook, and be mother/grandmother of the year when really she doesn’t enjoy the moment, she just wants pictures and a reason to post on social media. . Don’t stress too much, one of these days you’ll look back and laugh... Good luck moving forward, and congratulations on your sweet baby ♥️

Answer

I think you should at least tell them. You don’t have to let them in to see her but I think they should at least get to know they are about to be grandparents

Is this fair?

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