Deadly PMS?

I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety... sometimes I feel down, sometimes I feel fine, and sometimes my emotions are so crazy I feel like someone else has taken over! It’s like every negative emotion gets multiplied by a thousand and my reaction doesn’t match the situation. Then, a week later, I’ll start my period. I thought it’s just PMS, other people deal! ...but I have struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past and the worst days where I was near an attempt were in that time right before my period. I feel like my PMS is going to kill me :( does this happen to other people???

I’ve been taking birth control for the past 10yrs and I am not the most consistent but I try. I had taken a break from it (and all other medications) and was actually feeling a bit better emotionally. I started it again and had a big emotional meltdown right before my next period. But I also have been keeping to myself and that was around the holidays which are hard for me so I’m not sure it’s the bc. I feel like I need the bc to regulate my period, help with cramps and hormonal acne, and to help prevent ovarian cysts.

I tried to make an appointment with my OBGYN but she’s booked until March!

I’m not sure what to do!

Thanks for reading this long post.