I feel horrible

I love my boyfriend to death. But, I can’t help but feel like I will eventually push him away not meaning to. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and I often times have to fight with my own mind. I lack a good bit of empathy and can always tend to feel like I’m nothing but a bother to those I love when I am around them... it gets worse when my boyfriend is going through things. Like, he recently lost his mom, then his dad within the same week. I try to be there for him and support him, but I find myself getting drained to the point where I start feeling like we are distant with each other. While he’s grieving I find myself getting depressed and feeling useless to him. I fear the love is being picked at and not intentionally for either of us... I then wonder if it would be better if I just was alone. Didn’t have anyone... But, I couldn’t stand not having him in my life... This all really hurts and I don’t know what to do about it...