The boyfriend and I live together and we haven’t had sex since like way back when we met in 2016. We did have sex the first 2 or 3 months then nothing.... we moved in together like 2 weeks after meeting WHICH YES I REALIZE WAS A HORRIBLE MISTAKE! But cannot change the past so let’s move forward to the current. He is heavily addicted to pills and liquor

I mean serious problem hundreds of dollars a day!!!

I haven’t left because I’m scared he will kill his self.

But this is the reason he says he has no desire to have sex and trys to comfort me and tell me he definitely attracted to me but he just cannot have sex the drive is killed.

He has been to REHAB 4 times since we have been together. Programs from 30 days to 90 days in patient facility even flew him to one of the BEST in Laguna Beach California. We are from Texas! After he comes home from rehab he is PERFECT everything a woman could want minus the sex lol 🤷🏻‍♀️

So after he got sober a few times we agreed we would no longer have sex until we get married!!! Well he is just getting worse and worse addiction is hitting harder than ever and NOW he wants to pull the JESUS card and say as long as he follows GOD his using drugs is not an issue GOD will lead him out of this! Yes I believe in GOD I’m actually crying sitting in church right now waiting for service to start. BUT NOW AFTER EVERYTHING I HAVE PUT UP WITH and STOOD BESIDE HIM He says HE NEEDS TO FOCUS on GOD and basically he wants me and my kids to leave 3 kids!!

The 2 babies love him my oldest couldn’t pack fast enough...

I asked my youngest son how would he feel if we moved just me and him and his siblings NOT WITH THE Mr.

my son started crying uncontrollably and said then I WONT HAVE A DADDY 😩.

His real daddy hasn’t had any contact with us for years and he started calling this guy daddy all by himself and it tears me apart!!

During the last year I have become chronically ill and for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I have not worked.

I started working when I was 13 years old and just last year took a break to get my health stuff in order. I believe the stress of all this is killing me!! But with that being said I have NO MONEY I cannot just pack up and leave I have no family that would help me!

He closed our joint bank account

I can no longer buy groceries or pay the bills

He doesn’t know how to pay the bills on his own so I would help him do all the responsible adult stuff! Everything is changing and I told him I would help him learn how to do everything BUT DONT TREAT ME LIKE IVE DONE SOMETHING WRONG! I still cook and clean everyday

Pack his lunch

Wash his clothes

But I’m dying inside

I applied for disability and waiting for a response this could take a while. I don’t want my kids to hate me from pullin them away BUT this is not a healthy environment!! They are not old enough to explain to them this man is sick!! I care about this man but I am not in love with him. I get scared and pretend I’m sleeping most nights just to avoid an argument! He says he reads his bible everyday and all will be better BUT I THINK he is at his worst right now even as he seeks GOD! He just called me on the phone he was doing his taxes and wanted to claim me and the kids I TOLD HIM NO! he will NOT give me any of that money if I agree. And he will just use it on drugs!! I told him YOU WERE THE ONE that wanted to split everything up.. so you do yours and I’ll figure mine out maybe allow someone else to claim me and my kids like a friend that would actually give us some of that money and we find an apartment or small house. HE WAS PISSED but I feel this is the right thing to do!!

I am so miserable I cannot stop crying I hate living this way and I know it’s my fault for the wrong choices I made back 3 years ago when I met this man!! I’m sorry so long I needed to vent 😩