So my last day at work is next week. I’ve been working here for over two years. I’m also 9 months pregnant. So naturally I would be selected for a random drug screen 😂 I show up at work and immediately run for the bathroom (I’m sure you all understand) and my boss thankfully manages to stop me in the hallway and says “WAIT DONT GO! You have to go do a drug screen!” Okay, whatever, fine. So I have to pee pretty good when I get to HR and I’m thinking “this is for sure gonna be no problem. I’m pregnant. Peeing is the thing I’m best at right now.” WRONG.

So we go into the bathroom and she gives me the cup and says “you have to make it to this line.” I make it halfway to the line. She says “well we overestimate with the line, let’s give it a try, I think it’s enough.” Nope, it’s about 5ml short. Damn it. So I sit down with a little water (you’re allowed up to 40oz) and think “I’m gonna have to pee again in 20 minutes, no big deal.” WRONG.

An hour later I finally have to pee again and I think surely my bladder is full and I got it this time. Keep in mind that at this point my coworker has been on their own for an hour and a half— I’m a phlebotomist in a hospital and there are two of us for 50-100 patients— and I can’t leave until I produce enough pee. Which, upon my second attempt, I STILL CANNOT.

At this point I am PANICKING. What if I can’t get enough pee in the three hours and they fire me for failing a drug test?? That would make me soooo nonrehireable! What if my bladder is just incapable of holding that amount??

Thankfully, 30 minutes before my time was up, 40oz of water later, I literally waddled in pain to the bathroom and was able to produce more than enough 🤦‍♀️ I hope you guys get a good laugh out of this because I was freaking out! What are the odds that I would be picked 😂