This is a long post.. Pls bear with me..

I could really use some help as this past couple of months i really feel empty and lost and sad.. I don’t know where my life is heading to. I don’t want to open up with other people coz I’m afraid they may judge me. I’m finding it hard to open up with my family and husband as i don’t want them to worry about me. I know there are many people going through worse things than what i’m going through and I just feel so emotionally weak right now..

I just want to be able to open up with someone who will not judge me or think i’m too shallow or something..

I’ve been feeling really down these past months but now I can’t seem to handle and tolerate it anymore. I think the trigger started when I started my current job last month. I’m from a different country and I’m the different one in this company I work in right now. I work in the same industry in my home country so i decided to pursue the same track when I came here in the UK. I am confident that back home I’m good in this field. fast forward, now I can’t seem to cope up with my colleagues. no training was provided and I’m struggling to cope up. I can’t fit in, my colleagues would not include me to conversations. I feel left out. I see their stares. And it makes me anxious. I always feel like I’m on the verge of crying everytime i’m on duty. But I need to work and I need to help my family back home.

I’m afraid to tell anyone even my husband though he knew I’m struggling at work. I can’t say that I feel like I’m depressed. I’m afraid of judgments. I’m afraid people will think I’m just acting out. It’s easy for people to say that it will pass just suck it up. Or people saying don’t be too weak. I don’t know what to do. I feel hopeless. I miss my family and my country. but I don’t want them to worry about me..

I want to quit my job as everyday feels like I’m dreading going to work. I would cry on my way home. These past 2 weeks the more I feel anxious the more I feel nauseous too.. I would feel light headed and throw up.. My period’s messed up.. I’m afraid people would just call me a baby.. It frustrates me really as I feel too weak and I lost all the confidence I had in myself. I doubt I would fit in any work, or if I would ever find a place in this world.. I don’t know what to do.. I feel like I’m a burden to my husband and my family.. I feel useless..