i keep going back to my ex and i just wanna move on and stop causing myself this pain.

We broke up about seven months ago because he was constantly cheating and a little emotionally abusive. I finally left him and a two days later he was back with his ex and they’ve been together off and on ever since.

Over the summer, a couple months or so after we broke up, we ended up sleeping with each other again for maybe a month and a half/two months before he broke it off and broke my heart all over again. I started to learn to live without him and I was even pretty happy in his absence. But I never stopped thinking about him or missing him I just kinda got used to the idea of being without him. And it worked just fine, for a while.

A couple nights ago he texted me and I was already in a weak place so I gave in.

Keep in mind that this boy is my first love as well as the first boy I slept with. So sex with him is very different than sex with anyone else, and for me I have to have the intimacy to enjoy it.

I went to his house that night and we slept together again. We talked forever and ever it felt like and I realized just how much I’d missed him. and now I can’t stop thinking about him and my heart hurts so bad and I just wanna know how everyone else got through their first real love/heartbreak.

Also it’s very clear he doesn’t love me lol I know he says he did but his actions say otherwise. The problem isn’t realizing he doesn’t care I’ve been known that for a while I just don’t know how to move on for good. I don’t know why I keep going back when I already know the outcome

Also he got back together with his ex the next day lol how awesome is that