If this is the wrong group please let me know and I’ll move.

Ever since our 9 month old son died (1-11-19) my husband has been having ugly thoughts about dying. I definitely understand because I’ve thought about it too but he’s constantly having panic and anxiety attacks along with these thoughts and it’s basically everyday. I haven’t really opened up to how it happened because it hurts so much and I’ve even posted on here and I explained as he stopped breathing, it’s partly true but the truth is uglier. He got trapped between the crib rails and the mattress because the bottom part of the railing came off (which has never happened) yes it was properly put on, every screw. We made sure everything was right. It just doesn’t make sense to us because the crib has always been great, never had any problems up until this happened. I just don’t understand. I feel like we should of never moved cribs and moved rooms and put him by himself. I feel guilty and horrible. We’ve contacted every counseling centers and they all said they can’t see us until mid February early March. That’s too late we need it now!!! I’m worried about him.