LONG POST BY THE WAY... SORRY

This is just a post about my mental health and how it’s suffered these last few weeks of pregnancy. I don’t normally do this but I feel like everyone talks about how great being pregnant is (it is! And most of us wanted this) but no one really says how it affects them.

Like me for example, I had a miscarriage at the beginning of last year and it broke me, at first I didn’t want a baby I was shocked and scared when I found out I was pregnant but over time I started to get excited and looked forward to becoming a mum than it was all taken from me...that is enough to break someone completely!

I felt empty and alone it sucked! But it made me and my partner realise how badly we wanted a baby so we decided to try for one🤞🏻

Over a month later and I was pregnant again 🎉🎉 best news ever! Couldnt be any happier!!

I’m 38weeks now so I’ve been through it all just at the last bit, patiently waiting for my daughter to arrive. In theses last few weeks I’ve noticed my mental health has started to suffer, for example i don’t feel quite myself anymore, I struggle to get out of bed, or just do anything at all because I feel so down and depressed and it’s gotten to the point where I need to let it all out and talk to someone.

The people in my life are there for me I know this but I can’t talk to them. I tried talking to my partner but he has no idea what I’m on about and he’s not really the emotional type so he tries but it doesn’t go too well🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ plus he deals with so much already i don’t want to make it worse for him

This is way I’ve decided to take my problems on here, plus for all I know some of you girls might be feeling the same and it could be nice to know I’m not the only one🤦🏻‍♀️

When I say my mental health has suffered since being pregnant, I wouldn’t say its just because of being pregnant (I mean the hormones don’t help at all) but I would say its suffered due to my change in life.

Let me give you a little background on myself, last year I graduated from university 🎉🎉 I had a plan to go travelling for a few months then work and go back to uni a year later to do my teaching degree💁🏻‍♀️ I enjoyed my life, I knew what I wanted and where I was going then obviously I went through the worst experience of my life (my miscarriage)

IT CHANGED ME

So from that moment onwards i had baby on the mind🤰🏼

Since then Ive got pregnant.. moved out of london (something I didn’t want to do but did so that I could be with my partner and start a life with him)..

had to leave my job (again something I didn’t want to do but did as I couldn’t travel that far to work)..

spent all my life savings which was meant for my travelling and just general life. I’m talking every penny... on shit for me and my partner to start a life together, he didnt have any money so I paid for everything to start us off. Paid the deposit to move, the rent, bills, everything inside the house as we both had nothing so brand new bed, oven, washing machine, sofa etc

Let me state this i do not regret doing this as without it me and my partner wouldn’t have been able to start fresh together and I love him with all my heart

So since doing all this I now live back in my home town (hate it here) with no job😔 I tried looking for months but no one wanted to hire me probably because I was pregnant and started showing pretty early on. I’m now living off my partner who works at first it was nice to have a bit of time off after university but after 2 months or so i hated it!

That was like 6 months ago... now I’m still in the same situation but 8-9 months pregnant with my hormones all over the place! Feeling shitty all the time because i wanted more for myself more than just being at home😔

I’ve always prided myself on being a strong independent women but since being pregnant that’s not what I’ve been.

I just feel like I’ve lost myself along the way, I’ve lost my sense of purpose and goals... i know I can still do what I want but its the emptiness of not doing anything at the moment and not going to be able to do anything until my little girl is a bit bigger.

I’ve been hoping and praying my daughter comes soon as it will give my life a bit of purpose, to be there for her but at the moment I can’t help but feel like I’ve lost who I am, I’ve sacrificed so much of myself for this life that it’s making me depressed.

You guys don’t know me but I loved working!! I loved having my own independence it’s what made my life enjoyable.

I know I probably sound like a terrible person but can’t a women want more for herself other than being a house wife.

I feel like an empty shell of my old self😔 and I feel bad for complaining as this is what I asked for... well not quite the baby is what I asked for, I didn’t ask to move or be job less I didn’t ask to stay at home all the time and do nothing with my life🙄

Pleasee don’t think I regret my choice in becoming a mother because that is not the case! I regret sacrificing so much of myself because now I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore.

My partner tries to help and says it’s okay when the baby is here your feel better than in a couple of years you can do your teaching degree and I know I know that once she’s here I won’t feel down and depressed I’ll have her to look after and I know that in a few years I can focus on my career but it’s hard to look forward to something that’s so far in the future..

That’s it that’s my problem... anyone else in the same situation? Or get where I’m coming from?