A week ago I went into preterm labor. My SO and I have been together 3 years, this is our 3rd pregnancy but the first one to make it this far. We wanted this child very much. Unfortunately I have been blind throughout our relationship and didnt see that he has a drinking/substance abuse problem. When we got together he was sober and I was told he used to "be wild" but I figured those days were in his past. My past 2 relationships have been with addicts and I swore I would never let that happen again. When my SO showed interest in dating me I even mentioned multiple times that I wouldnt allow that type of relationship again because of my past. Both past relationships I was lied to and didnt know they had issues until they were unable to hide their addiction.

I didn't know my SO had a problem until after I found out I was pregnant with this baby. He said he was over doing it out of fear of losing this baby too, which I did understand since the last two hurt so bad. I gave him the benefit of the doubt but the problem got worse.

On Sunday I told him mutiple times that I was having contractions and was worried I was in labor. He finally came home and was super drunk. I drove myself to the hospital in labor and he was with me but no use of course. I was held at the hospital for 48 hours and we talked alot about how this cant continue. I need to rely on him. He said he wouldnt get wasted any more so he could be there in case something went wrong. I have been put on modified bed rest for the next 8 weeks. He had off work for several days and didnt drink at all. When he is sober he is the man of my dreams and the perfect example of the father I want for my child. His first day back to work, 4 days after I went into the hospital, and he got drunk again. I tried to get in touch with him for hours and he finally showed up at home at 3am completely out of his mind wasted.

I feel helpless, so so stupid, like the biggest loser ever, and most importantly completely heartbroken. He apologized and said he would do better but ive received this speech ever week for the last 28 weeks. At what point do I face facts and give up hope. I want my child to have a family, am I just stupid to believe that's possible? I'm so depressed over this whole thing. I can't work, I can't even organize anything, I need him to be better. I'm not sure he is capable of keeping it together. If he is, for how long and when do I say you dont deserve another chance. I just can't believe that he kept this problem hidden for so many years and as soon as I am "stuck" he goes full on addict.

We have gone to couples counseling and rehab together. We have all the info to be better. Ive offered to go back, ill go to church, ill do anything but he isnt willing. He doesnt think he has a real problem, just "makes bad decisions sometimes". I'm so stressed and my self worth is dwindling. How will I be strong enough to be a good mom for my little girl? I cant even say enough to this destructive behavior. Does anyone have advice on how to deal with depression and negative self worth when pregnant? Any advice on having a child with an addict? Please anything helps