I just turn 21 a few days ago & im on my 3rd year in college. i’m 16 weeks in one day pregnant with my first child (a son). i only knew his dad a few months before getting pregnant but we would literally spend everyday talking and seeing each other. so i felt our bond was solid. he’s 23.

when i told him i was pregnant he panic and was like he have to think about it. after a few weeks of thinking. he told me he doesn’t want a baby & he was never happy with me. he was faking it. told me he didn’t want to keep the baby. & just spoke to me horribly, i guess to pressure me in to not keeping it. when all this happened i wasn’t that far along so i gave him a time limit to think about what he want. i told him i’m giving him to 8 weeks because my stands on abortion is after a certain weeks it’s a no for me. 8 weeks came & he said he needed a little more time so i gave him to 10 weeks. then he officially said he wanted me to get rid of it and started being ugly towards me. i said okay get the money. you got until 12 weeks (that’s the cut off for the pill) at 13 weeks. i told my parents and i told him i’m officially keeping my child. in my heart at 10 weeks i already knew that i wanted to keep my baby. my actions led to the making of this child. i felt like i needed to take responsibility.

fast forward to now. i knew that me keeping the baby meant a huge possibility of me being a single parent. but it has been an emotionally roller coaster. at 16 weeks he’s still trying to pressure me into getting an abortion but can’t even get the money for it. i tried to explain to him that about cost more the further i am & he could get the money at 8 weeks so why does he think he can now if it’s more. i asked for him not to stress me out during my pregnancy and that if he gets the money we can then discuss it. i know he won’t get it so i try to bring up the conversation of what’s going to happen if he doesn’t get the money but he doesn’t even want to talk about that.

he’s just so confusing and emotionally draining because one day he miss me and want to be around me. one day he rubs on my tummy & says things like his babies (the baby & i) when i found out the gender he spent an entire day asking me to tell him what it is to the next day he’s sayin “kill it”. i don’t know what to believe in. i feel really alone because my sister & friends telling me to just leave him alone & focus on myself & my child. i had fainted because of high blood pressure & dehydration because of him.

but it’s something in me that really wants him to want me and my child & to do right by us. i feel alone & it’s hard for me to talk to anyone because it’s just you knew what it was when you decided to keep the baby or you made your bed so lay in it. am i wrong for wanting my child to have its father? am i wrong for trying to convince him to do right? i have a US Appointment coming up and i invited him so he can see how much the baby has grown & maybe he can see abortion is wrong but my friend told me not to invite him & to stay away from him because she’s scared he will hurt me ( i live alone, 5 hours away from family) should i not invite him?

I read that some fathers are detached at first and i read about some ladies saying that their child’s father came around after the birth. but i don’t know what to think. honestly i’m just hurt and bewildered how someone can do this.

these pictures are from a couple of days before i actually got pregnant... less than a week.

these are from week 12 ish

this last picture is from today