I’m starting to feel completely hopeless.

5 miscarriage, 3 in the past year. I’m genetically abnormal, but completely normal, my vitamin D level came in absurdly low, and there’s a polyp on my uterus. I had to have $1,200 test from fertility clinic, now an expensive surgery to remove the polyp, and the looming possible $20,000 of <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> is looming over me. Our student loans are still killing us, I just don’t know how I’m ever going to do this.

On top of that, EVERYONE around me is either pregnant or just had a baby. It takes everything in me to not want to scream and cry, hide under my covers, and just cry, cry, cry. Am I depressed, maybe a little, but I’m sad. Ridiculously sad. This isn’t something you just get over, it’s gut wrenchingly painful, the jealousy I feel is astounding. And with all of this...I have to host my sister’s baby shower next weekend and my best friend at work is due on Monday.

I don’t think this will ever go away.