My “not really” affair story

I was married for 12 years, 2 kids.

My husband cheated on me, even had a kid with another woman, left us once, and basically a piece of sh$t. He was a narcissist and constantly belittled and hurt me. He ignored me, emotionally put me down to where I was suicidal for a while.

The entire marriage I never cheated. I never put myself in situations where it was tempting, I was a damn good wife!

Then last spring I found out he’d been having another affair, except this time they’d been planning to leave their families and told each other they loved each other. It didn’t work out and he got caught.

We agreed to a divorce, but he travels a lot for work, and I make little to no money, so him moving out wasn’t financially an option. So we still live together and when tax returns come, it will help me find a new place with our kids.

5 months ago, I met a new man. From the instant we met.. we connected. We’ve been casually seeing each other but he knows I am still married, but will be divorced soon. I’m in love with him, though he doesn’t love me. For once, it’s nice to have a guy treat me well. I’m not stupid, I know I’m vulnerable. I know things will never work out with this new guy.

I feel like my husband thinks I’m not gonna leave. Like all the other times, he thinks I’m gonna forgive him. I recently told him about the guy, but he thinks I’m lying or all these other excuses that put me down ( once he said this new guy is a drug addict/felon because that’s all that will want me)

I can’t believe that I don’t feel bad, not even a smidge, for moving on so fast...but I was in such an abusive relationship for so long...it’s nice to have a man want me and want to spend time with me.