Just before I get anyone excited today or even trigger anyone , this isn’t going to be the most light hearted of stories.

But Hello , My name is Alex. I found out I was pregnant on the 23rd of May 2018. With the faintest of positives. And i mean faint. But I knew it was there.

At the time I was 17 years old in a completely toxic relationship. That day me and my boyfriend (18) were arguing and I was trying to finally leave the nasty relationship. But he told me I needed to prove I wasn’t pregnant. So I was like whatever sure I’ll go pee on a stick and it will be negative and I will leave you! ( so childish I know 😐) but as you already know ... my test wasn’t going to be negative at all....

I told him later on as we did the same course at the time and he completely flipped out... and I didn’t speak to him all day. I spoke to my tutors in tears and they got me another test. Which to my shock came up like this .

After doing my Poundland cheapie... I got this clear as day positive!? I met up with my boyfriend the next day and showed him the test and the photo and he was what seemed to be excited .. and he sent this to his sister. So his whole family knew I was going to be a Mumma bear.

After this he didn’t speak to me for days. I ended up out for a late walk in the town (I lived alone in a hostel so I could do these things) and there was a massive fight in the town and I started freaking out and called him and he ran down. He brought two of his friends Ryan and Jack. Just incase he needed to “fight”. Urgh. He walked me away and his friends left.

Randomly he turned to me shouting about how he can’t do this and he needs all his money and is moving to Glasgow !! I live in England. He said it was over and he wouldn’t be there for at least six months. I didn’t cry until he left. After this all happened I started working illegal cash in hand 12 hour shifts to save up for a baby.

During this his friend Ryan was being unusually kind to me so after a long day at work , on the verge of a break down I deceived to go to his friend house. This was about two weeks after me and the baby’s dad went out separate ways.

His friend Ryan didn’t have a good opinion of me at first but after hearing my side of the story his opinion changed quickly. We got along so quickly. We watched cheesy movies all night and I was able to forget about all my stresses. But I did do something which wasn’t great and I ended up going to bed with Ryan. I stayed the night . Yes we had sex.

Eventually the baby’s dad found out and went mad. I’m not surprised at this... but to the point he started to wish death on the baby. (Not cool). Needless to say I cut most contact with him and only text to discuss the baby.

12/06/18– June 12th.

The bleeding started . I went to hospital in fear and they gave me the all clear and diagnosed me with a water infection and gave me some anti-biotic so :)

13/06/18– June 13th

I had excruciating pain and I could barely walk. I got sent home from my course and was told to get some rest by a GP. Later on that day I went to the bathroom and blood was running down my leg and coating my bathroom floor. It looked like someone had been killed and I’m not even exaggerating. I was so terrified. I didn’t know what to do ; I called the baby’s dad in a panic for him to come to the hospital with me as i already had an ambulance on the way. He was nothing but rude and said “I hope you die with that child”. So I called Ryan who said he couldn’t come but would support me through the phone as much as he could. So in the hospital they arranged an emergency scan for the following day and for those who don’t know - it was internal as I was still quite early. So I went home around 3AM and went to Ryan’s after.

14/06/18 —- 14th June

The day of the scan: Ryan offered to come with me (we were a bit of an item then) and I refused because it wasn’t his place so my dad took me. I remember waiting in the EGU with all these ladies who looked so worried . It was heart breaking. My name got called for my scan and my dad came on with me. I laid on this bed waiting for the lady to get this horrible dildo looking thing to try find my baby... I was still pouring with blood all over the chair ... I felt so hopeless. She started to do the emergency scan. And my whole world stopped when she said “I can’t find a baby, it looks like you’ve had a miscarriage , we need to take your bloods to check your hcg and...” my world faded out like time stopped. I couldn’t even cry. They took my bloods and said they would call me within the hour . And the call confined the pregnancy loss with my hcg dropping to almost 0.

Ryan was there for me. He took good care of me after my baby loss. And still is to this day and we’ve been together ever since. I know is no perfect love story but to me it is. This man was going to look after me even when I was pregnant with another mans child and has given up so much for me. And I’m really happy now . I’m 18 and he is nearly 20 we both work and are looking at getting our own home together and starting our own true family. He has supported me through today and I know even though I’m in heartbreak over the loss of my baby. I will one day be an amazing mother and my baby will have a wonderful father.

Hello my name is Alex and I’m 18. I had a miscarriage at 17. But I’m going to be an amazing mother one day.

Me and my future Hubby Ryan looking our worst. But feeling our best ❤️✨

If anyone has been through something like this feel free to comment below or message me . If you even read to here thank you for your time and reading my story about my baby loss and messy love story. God bless 🙏🏻✨😇