Selfish to want time alone?

So my partner's family are nothing short of a nightmare, there are so many of them and they're all very childish, drama orientated etc. I don't like seeing them ordinarily, because of those reasons. I've had such a difficult pregnancy, and none of them have been supportive/helpful, quite the contrary, they've just done more to make things difficult for us or stress us out which we just have not needed on top of this awful pregnancy. Well the last couple of weeks, I can't help but feel slightly depressed. I've had a history with mental health issues, but during the pregnancy I've been okay. Well now I don't feel so good again, and I can't help but feel that when my baby arrives, I want to spend the first few weeks with her alone, just my partner and I. I want to avoid any drama and negativity that his family bring, and make sure they aren't here making me feel worse than I'm scared I already will. I just know that they won't be happy with this at all, and will slate me for not letting them see our little girl straight away. Does anybody have any thoughts or advise on this? I just feel so stuck and uncomfortable with them, and I don't want to add my baby into that mixture 😶

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COMMENT (6)

Me

Posted at
Not selfish AT ALL. I’m kind of in a similar boat and we’ve come up with a few guidelines for my in-laws that I’m hoping will help. My inlaws are also 3ish hours away which kind of helps with everything. - they can come visit at the hospital AFTER we’ve given them the ok to come. I figure there will be enough nurses in and out to ask them to leave for checks and such that it hopefully won’t be too overwhelming. - once we’ve gotten through the first 2 weeks of figuring things out, they’re welcome to visit but will be unable to stay with us. They can get a hotel or do the trip in one day - completely up to them. - husband is expected to be around at all times when my MIL is present until my hormones level out... for both our sake haha (ie plan trips when he’s home, make sure he’s awake etc). She has a history of being incredibly offensive and blowing up if we call her out on it.... so he gets to be a buffer. - I’m planning on handling feedings in our bedroom with the door shut. If I get overwhelmed at any point and say “I’ve got to go feed the baby” my husband understands, makes sure the baby gets to me and we get to our bedroom ASAP. It did help that my dr went through how difficult and emotional the first 2 weeks after birth are today with both me and my husband. She gave him signs to watch for and pretty much recommended we go into survival mode for those two weeks (ie do whatever we need to do for ourselves first vs worrying about making family happy).

La

Laura • Feb 5, 2019
This is excellent advice. I agree with making them wait 2 weeks before visiting and not letting anyone stay over.

SH

Posted at
Thank you all so much for your advise! They live five minutes away from us, and so they can call in whenever they like. I've decided to tell them all that we would like the time to ourselves, and will keep our door locked during this time so that if they show up randomly and try to walk in (they usually do) they won't be able to. We'll remind them we aren't taking visitors as kindly as possible.

Ka

Posted at
Do it! My in laws don’t live in the area and I’m not letting them come to town for at least two weeks after I give birth and they are 1) required to stay in a hotel 2) rent their own car 3) can only come over when invited and 4) can only stay for short visits. My in-laws stress me out A LOT. Everything is about them and they’ve tried to suck the joy out of my pregnancy and make it about themselves.This is about you, your well being and spending quality time with your partner and new baby bonding and recovering.

Je

Posted at
Nope, this is how we felt too. We told family to expect to wait until up to two weeks to meet baby. Ended up having the baby early via c-section due to a sudden complication, so now I’m even more glad we went this route since the entire experience was not only a bit traumatizing, but I still have a two week window of additional recovery because of it. Never thought my baby would be born early, but anything can happen!

Ha

Posted at
I can relate to every one of you ladies. thankfully my inlaws live 9 hrs away. although that doesn't stop them from trying to get what they want. they are so controlling. I gotta say I've technically avoided the timing subject with them. so far they think they'll be visiting in March (but I don't know what week they're thinking). irregardless, my due date is Feb 28 and we will be closing and moving into a new home shortly after. so depending on timing of it all and how I feel, we've already decided that we won't let them visit until 4 to 6 weeks post birth. sounds bad and I know they won't like it. but with my recovery and moving and all its gonna be too hectic as it is and Lord knows I can't handle them on top of it all at the same time. so they will probably whine and complain and hate me but I dont care. I'm not letting them take away this precious time and experience from me just to get their baby fix.