“He’s loyal, so why leave him?”

When I would talk to people about how I wanted to leave my long term boyfriend, I would always get asked why. There is no big answer. It’s not going to make you jump out of your seat and yell “leave him!” No, they say, “well has he cheated?” No. He hasn’t.

He’s loyal.

But what people don’t understand is that just because he’s loyal as in he’s never cheated, doesn’t mean he is truly loyal. When I ask him to do something big or small for me, he takes forever to do it, or he makes me feel bad about it, or he doesn’t even do it. Can I count on him? I honestly cannot say I can. Is that loyalty? I don’t think so.

They say “well has he hit you?” No. He hasn’t.

He isn’t physically abusive.

But what people don’t understand is that just because he hasn’t hit me doesn’t mean he’s not abusive. He calls me names, he puts me down, he makes me feel small and is making me lose my funny, confident self.

Is he always someone I cannot count on? No, not always. Sometimes he’s there for me. Is he always someone that verbally abuses me? No, not always. Sometimes he calls me beautiful and supports my dreams.

This is not something I can really explain to others. When I try I get them saying “I think you should stay with him, he can change, just communicate, it can be worked out.”

I have communicated. I’ve said all that I can possibly say.

People always tell me “he can change, but only if he wants to.” Maybe he could change one day. Maybe they’re right. But what they don’t understand is that I have changed. I am not who I use to be. I can change, but only if I want to. The only way for me to change to is leave him. People may wonder why. I may even wonder why. But sometimes there is no big answer as to why you want to leave. There doesn’t have to be a reason in which people can understand. As long as you understand, or maybe you don’t really, that’s ok too. Don’t let them shame you. Walk away, just because the wind is blowing that way. Walk away to find yourself again. No one has to understand.