Confused, Hurt , Broken and Tired

I was once in a 4.5 year relationship from age 17-21 ! That ended we’ve still maintained communication and gone on to different relationships. I believe that I ended the relationship because I felt that I was missing something and wanted to experience “life” even though he never stopped me from doing anything! I then got into a 6 month relationship with a person who was very unfaithful and got into a lifestyle that I was not use to at all. Then I met my current bf of 2.5 years things were going great then he hit me , black eyes , chocking, yelling etc. I left for maybe a month came back and boom argument with me being pushed around , sprained foot and being chocked. I’ve always wanted to believe that people change! Small changes aren’t enough for me . I feel trapped, hurt and so many other emotions because it hurts to love a person who’s constantly hurt you. I just don’t see how this would ever work and I just need advice. I just want peace! I want to be loved how I once was. But I want to learn to love myself because this has changed me so much.