I am incredibly blessed to be pregnant right now. I am so blessed to have gotten pregnant about 2 cycles after losing my AJ. I know so many more women who struggle and have struggled for so much longer than me.

But I feel like this pregnancy I still have to acknowledge the days where grief still hits me- I had just found out I was expecting a beautiful baby and in the next week I was losing her. This current pregnancy, with my Littlefoot, is still surrounded by the worry that anything can go wrong at any moment.

And I feel guilty for mourning the loss of my first child when I should be celebrating the life of my second. And I feel it SO deeply and feel like I should be able to move on by now, but some days it just hurts and that hurt forces itself to be acknowledged.

I just want to be a good mom and feel like I failed AJ. And I don’t want Littlefoot to grow up in the shadow of the older sibling that never was but Mom can’t get over.

Idk. I just needed to put these thoughts somewhere.