Should I lose my Virginity?Am I on the right path of becoming a freak

There’s this guy that’s older than me and he’s very popular so we started to talk and he asked if I was a freak I asked if he was low key Before saying yes he said yes so I said yes and then he send me nudes he asked for something In return like Nudes I said no because I want to sound like a freak so I said that I will give you top then he asked after I did it he asked can I put it in next time I said no because I’m very scared andBecause it will be my first time and I heard it hurts and I’m very scared of what he thinks of my body PS I’m not really a freak but Want to be one so I swallowed the nut and was my first time