PPD? *long*

I’m not sure if it’s worth asking my

Doctor about , but I think I might be struggling with some sort of post partum depression. Prior to being pregnant I’ve been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and bipolar 2.

My daughter is 11 days old now. I constantly feel like I’m doing everything wrong. I tried to breast feed her but because she’s a preemie they started her on formula at the hospital to help her gain weight and she won’t latch. I pump, but I don’t produce much. She gets the hiccups all the time. I’ve been so tired, and I know my own warning signs but idk if it’s just new mom tired of depression tired. Her dad gets up with her 90% of the time during the night. My c section scar causes me some sadness as I feel it’s so ugly and raised up. I was up walking and doing stuff the day after my c section. I keep myself busy cleaning because it’s the only thing that makes me feel like I’m doing something right. I basically just ignored the doctors orders about lifting and bending because when I clean it makes me feel like I’m doing something right . I feel like my daughter doesn’t even like me. I love her so much but I feel like I can’t even feed her or take care of her right. My husband tells me I don’t do anything. I’m trying . I just spend my time cleaning or doing things I know I can’t fuck up on because I feel like I’m failing at caring for her and he’s better at it. I’ve told him how I feel and he says it’s all in my head. He used to be affectionate and caring.. now he sees me crying myself to sleep and he goes to sleep peacefully like it doesn’t even matter . I just feel so lost and broken, idk if this is part of the normal process of adjusting to being a parent or if it’s more.