My emotionally abusive relationship...

Guys, I really need help. I’m in the middle of trying to leave my emotionally abusive boyfriend of 5 years. I’ve been trying to leave for months but I’m just so fucking terrified of being without him, I don’t know why. It’s like whenever the opportunity comes where I know what exactly to do to free myself, I just can’t find the courage to do it. One of the MILLIONS of fights we’ve had is about Social media, of course. He has an account that he prohibits me from having and made me take down a year ago. However, he’s had one, and refuses to let me see it. I’ve been really fed up with him about this, because I know what kind of person he is so I know he’s more than capable of cheating. I’ve gotten other people to show me it, so I know what he’s doing. (I know I feel crazy for this but I just felt so terrible..) so I told him I want to make an account too then, but he threatens me every time and says “if I make one I’ll regret it” Implying he’ll probably blow up at me and never talk to me again. Idk why the thought of that terrifies me when everyone assumes that’s what I should want but I can’t help but feel guilty.. this is so stupid, I’m aware of how immature it sounds. But I don’t know if I should make an account, or if I should just be the bigger person and just leave without making one.. I’m scared of how he’ll react, I don’t want him to hate me but I just want my freedom back too. I want to be able to do what I want and not feel guilty but I’m scared and think I’ll regret making it 😕