I hate eating

I’ve struggled with eating disorders in the past.. I’m not sure what’s holding me back.. body image.. nausea.. stress.. but I’m just having such a hard time downing my foods. I struggled with hyperemesis in the first trimester.. was hospitalized once.. lost 3lbs.. now I’m 18w and still haven’t seen a gain.. I try to eat and end up eating half my portion.. it’s like I’m hungry then food turns me off. I feel like I can only eat when the hunger gets painful. Help me .