Hi so im 18 & i've been with this guy for a pretty long time. (Im just gonna dive in, PLEASE DONT JUDGE ME)😔

We're maaaadly in love and We've been through a lot so far, He's not the most wholesome citizen, He's into a lot of things that could get him in trouble (drug wise). I didnt have a problem at the time because so was I. (Ive gotten better, he really hasnt, and I want to be there to support him when he's ready)

Sometimes he goes really overboard and abuses drugs and alcohol, To where he blacks out and does and says some awful things to me. In the morning he never remembers, and when I tell him he insists that it never happened, and I dont really get an apology. I always forgive him anyways because I fucking love him so much..

The day before Valentines day, we did a lot of drugs. I dont remember a lot, but in the morning, His brother's girlfriend woke up to a text from my boyfriend's phone saying "Fuck you"

And Apparently I had sent it. i TRULY do not remember that. But I do know that I do not like her.

The way my boyfriend talks about her makes me feel..uneasy. He's drunkenly told me about how much he admires her, and likes her. He says he wants a girl like her...He says he loves things about her. When he talks about her he lights up. He doesnt do that with me......And I cant help but dislike her. Its not even her fault, which makes me feel guilty because I dont have a right to dislike her. Only the fact that I think my boyfriend loves her. He's told me before that he wishes I was more like her. It hurts.

When he found out I had sent it, He went crazy. Ive never seen him more upset about something.

What hurt the most is, He was so upset about something as small as a drugged out mean text to Her,

When he has put his hands on me, not remembered it, And he has never gotten that upset with himself about it....

His brother also struggles with substance abuse, And his brother has hit Me before while he was drunk. My boyfriend never got mad about it. He never made him apologize. Everything went on as if everything was normal and I had to pretend like I wasn't completely broken about it. But again, I forced myself to forget about it....

Something as small as a text made my boyfriend this mad at me...when way worse has happened to me.

Im not as important as this girl...I could be killed and I dont think he would be that upset. If she got hurt...his world would be over. He claims he loves me more than anything.. But I think he loves her more.

I dont remember sending the text. I cant get him to believe me...He always thinks I lie and that Im full of shit, but Im not. Ive never lied to him on purpose. He never believes a word I say and anything I do is never enough.

He got so mad about this he hasnt wanted to speak to me in days.. He unfollowed me on social media and everything. I think he wants to leave me because of this.

What the fuck do I do. I think he loves her. He doesn't act like he wants me like he wants her. I dont know how to talk to him or if i SHOULD. I miss him so much.

He can abuse me all he wants, But if anything were to happen to her..all of a sudden its a problem to him..

I dont know what to do. I love him so much....I dont want to be without him.

Please help.