Long story short. Me and my husband have been ttc since April 2016. We have tried several months of both clomid and letrozole. 2 of those months were successful. November 2, 2017 we found out we were pregnant for the first time. At our 1st sonogram (9 weeks), there was no heart beat. We lost our baby at about 7 weeks. We found out on October 10, 2018 that we were pregnant for the second time. But once again no hearbeat at that first appt either. We lost this baby at about 6 weeks. 1st loss we chose to do a d&e procedure. 2nd loss we chose to do the pill. It is extremely hard coping and understand why us. Even tho we arent the only ones and there are so many more couples who have greater worries and problems than ours, it is still hard. I find myself getting so angry, jealous, frustrated and depressed hearing about other couples getting pregnant and having babies. I hate the fact that I feel this way. But it is extrememly hard for me to be happy for someone when all i feel is jealousy and so many more emotions. At my work, since we have been trying there have been 6 unplanned pregnacies. I tend to avoid coworker baby talk, and baby showers. I hate not being able to show happiness for them, but this whole experience is the hardest thing i have been through in life. I go through the emotions and thoughts of why me all the time. And as for my husband, i feel extremely guilty knowing I may never be able to give him a child and that is what hurts the most. I honestly wish i could somehow forget about all of this and not want a baby so bad. My husband is so supportive, but seeing and remembering how happy he was to finally see the positive pregnancy test, is a constant reminder of the guilt i have of feeling like a failure. As a woman, my body cant even reproduce like it was intended to do. Other than my husband, i cant express how I feel to anyone without the fear of being judged and embarrassed. Most everyones answer to our situation is "things happen for a reason" (which i firmly believe in) or " it will happen when its meant to be, sometimes it takes time". I find myself angry with those answers. Typing this out makes me feel alot better getting it off my chest. I know there arent any perfect answers to deal with how I feel. But, any advice is greatly appreciated.