Okay, so......

This is long .... Me and my now husband just got married yesterday. It was his idea on Thursday to begin with “let’s get married tomorrow or nah?” He was all for it and when I agreed he was still for it. It ain’t the first time this year that marriage was brought up .. last week around Monday or Tuesday he asked “let’s get married this Friday” gave him my reason why I think we shouldn’t (reasons which I won’t explain). The beginning of January he brought up marriage too, “let’s get married next week” and that time I agreed with no hesitation but when he told his mother she threw a fit and started talking about me and giving reasons why he shouldn’t marry me was a mistake I’m in the world I have an attitude and I can’t take care of my kids and we’re unevenly yoked and not fit for marriage it was wild that day and we both need to get right with God first but my fiancé didn’t really change his mind but when next week came we didn’t speak upon it we just let it go so we didn’t marry. So fast forward to now, he brought up marriage Thursday and I was still hesitant bcuz of “this reason” I won’t explain but when I talked to this person about the situation I had gotten the answers I was looking for and believed it was safe to get married so I told him and HE WAS ALL FOR IT!! so yesterday we were searching for wedding officiants.. I found one he called and gave our info and set up the location and we met up with him. It was raining in that location but we did the marriage in the rain anyway. Well before we got there had to go back to my house and get the marriage license. We weren’t exactly sure if it had expired right away bcuz we had forgot if we purchased marriage license in November or December. He only said “let me know if it’s expired or not bcuz if it is I’ll let him know and cancel” he didn’t say “if it’s not expired and if we still have more time we’ll hold off marriage next week” no he didn’t so when I came back I was all happy and was like okay we have time it expires on the 28th this month and he was like oh okay cool then since we have time let’s just postponed the marriage till next week. I’m like are you kidding me just wasting my time searching for someone and wasting the poor mans time like seriously. Now I didn’t force him I told him no we can’t be doing that to people stop playing around but if he still on insisted on waiting till next week I could of I didn’t force him he could of had the choice to refuse to go he could of just kept the car on park and said no but he chose himself to drive to the location. We’re fine during the drive and during our wait. When the guy comes my “fiancé” gets off and gives him the stuff they sign things and he comes back with a apple cider bottle and a cake and he’s all smiling. We get off get the marriage going, gave traditional vows and kissed and that was it. We wanted nothing big and fancy btw so we settled it like this. Me and him and the kids tho stuck around and watched the ducks and fed and he was all taking pics of the gifts and posting them on snap all happy. We go to my place things are good so far we’re cuddling and all loving then he left bcuz he has his first son this weekend. Things were good when he left too but then .. this is where I finally get to my point of this post ...

Things were good when he got home but then later on last night he randomly texts me all this “idk what happened today” “I’m still in shock and I’m lost” “it was too fast” “I don’t know about this” “I kinda don’t want it” of course I’m shocked as well .. we just got married but I was not having these thoughts that he had. I said “I’m shocked too” so then he has the audacity to tell me this “Well let’s undo it ima Text the man and tell him don’t send the papers in yet” 🧐🧐 like what!!! I told him not to act like that and his response was idk so I wrote a big oh loving paragraph and I mean big and what he came up with is “I’m scared” -.- well he passed out afterwards so I messaged him back not long ago and I told him idk if it even means anything to you and he says idk either. At this point,. I’m hurt all over again bcuz I was hoping that my paragraph message would make him feel better about the marriage and would give him hope and reassurance but I guess not 🤷🏻‍♀️ I told him now I’m heartbroken and he says he’s still shocked like okay I’m honestly fed up on the conversation by now. How you gonna be all for it and then when it happens he’s now different. I hate it, it hurts. Felt like time was wasted .. I was perfectly fine with waiting longer but he made it seem like his full heart was in it so I considered it and we did it but now it’s all gone wrong it looks like. I do love him and I do wanna be married to him. I just don’t know what to think right now :( Do I even have the right to be hurt by all this or am I just wrong??