Please help

I was abused for years and I finally got out and I have a loving fiance but I am just inconsolable. I flinch away from most touching the other night I had ewcm and he felt bad about having sex with me because I was having PTSD and I forced myself and him to do it but it was not enjoyable at all. If anything it was a bit traumatizing. I often snap over small things at him and I have a problem where I hit my head and sometimes when he's trying to stop me I smack him away from doing so because my brain tells me not to. I feel like I nag a lot I dont want to it's just small things can get to me way to fast and I snap and start yelling or breaking down or I just hide in the bathroom to avoid saying stuff I dont mean to him.

Has anyone else gone through this. How did you start enjoying touching? Is there even a way to enjoy things you used to after abuse? How do I quit snapping? I wanna be a better partner so bad and when I do hold in the frustration we end up in a yelling match. Please any advice? That isnt breaking up I wont do that.