No one warned me about this after miscarriage 😭

We miscarried after only knowing about my pregnancy for a few days. It was really early but everything changed really fast.

I wish I was warned when I read about the coping and such that it does so much more than just make you sad. I HATE this. We’re so many months past this and I cry at the birth of my sister in laws child, the sight of my husband holding her, the casual explanation of “what’s a rainbow baby?” “Oh yeah, I had two.” “Oh yeah I had one before him.” Like it’s so casually just ok. My sister has told my immediate family she is pregnant and I cried like I cried the day I lost the pregnancy and I just cannot be happy. My family hasn’t had a baby around for a while so they would make me feel hopeful that we will succeed next time. I know that positive hopeful talk I get from them is gone now cause they’re going to be obsessing over her pregnancy. Come to find out they flew to see them just to be able to go to their first appointment. They told me and were already dying to talk to her. I’m not mad at anyone but myself. I hate that I feel this way. I grew up baptist and my family believes you have to be married to live together and you definitely have to be married and live together to have children. My sister has always been a heavy smoker/drinker and has had multiple abortions before this relationship so some part of me just feels robbed. I was following everything by the book to do the best I could with what I knew and I know it’s ridiculous but it’s how I feel. No one told me it would extend into your social life and just being able to function like a normal person. I hate feeling the urge to isolate myself and cry every time someone brings up babies in any way.

Also, this is the worst birthday I’ve ever had and it’s no ones fault but my own. I don’t want to do anything except just lay in bed and cry and sleep. We aren’t even trying to conceive right now so taking a break hasn’t even helped like my husband suggested.