Why don't I ever get a break? Why am I nothing more than a worthless mom? Why am I stuck in the house with 2 kids all day every single day unable to g anywhere or do anything? Why does everyone else get to leave there kids and go to work, or go to even the store without there kids. It's not like I wanna go party or anything I just want away from the kids. I am getting to where I hate being around them. My youngest is almost 15 months and I have never had a break. My 5 year old I have no connection with her and I've been on my own since she was born. I doubt I'll ever feel connected to my own kid. The baby I do, but she's so clingy and I never get away from her. I've never had a regular life. Just always taking care of kids. I don wanna be a mom who stays home, gets fat and wonders why shes even living if her only purpose is to take care of kids.!!! I cannot get a daycare bc I don't have any more. I ask family for help they say they will and never do. I'm tired if begging there dad who I'm with and lives with us for help. He works. Not even enough to be "too tired" to help me. I'm so fucking stressed out and honestly I don't want to do this anymore. I do not want to be a mom. I've never wanted kids. I've never liked kids. Of course I love them but why did no one ever teach me about sex? It was literally something no one ever told me about I was always told go for it its fun, why ain't u having sex, u should have sex at a very young age. I was told you can't get pregnant young and guess what! I did extremely young. Now I pay for my parents bad parenting by being a shitty parent myself unable to have feelings for my own kids sometimes. Yeah tell me what a piece of shit I am. Every body does but nobody ever sees how much I suffer. I have bad anxiety and depression but of course I am a mom so I'm not allowed to get help and I DONT WANT TO DRAG KIDS TO COUNSELING n bring them in the room with me. No I don't have a car so taking them anywhere is out of the question. I have zero help an I'm just done with it. This Mom thing wasn't meant for me. I always known that but of course the next 17-18 years are gonna be he'll on me. And I'm tryna think soon they'll be older and I can be a normal person but I already completely lost myself. I'm so fat and ugly and I don't even know how to act around people. I'm just WORTHELSS.

Thanks for everyone's comments. Writing this did help me feel better and it helps knowing you guys listened and cared enough to comment. I have no one that's help me and no one to talk to. My kids dad is always being mean to me bc I've always let him control me I'm not allowed to have my own feelings n opinions. I love my kids and being there mom but life is stressful and I feel stuck. I wanna go for a walk or to the store alone is All. I'm gonna ask my dad who lives amost 2 hours away for help which I hate cuz his wife already trys so hard to be better than. Me.. I love my kids so much . I'm just unhappy with myself and I don't feel like I'm what's best for them. I just want a little time for myself. I always go to bed feeling like I failed. Plus I gained so much weight cuz I don't move much it's hard being alone with 2 kids...