I was in love two years with my boyfriend/best friend. He broke up with me and got with his ex. They live together now so I lost the boyfriend part and the best friend part. I only confined in my mom other than him but she’s been hurting me lately by blaming things on me and accusing me of stuff I didn’t do so I can’t talk to her. My dad resigned from his position so I can’t go to therapy cause I can’t pay for it and I don’t want to add an expense for my parents. I’m depressed. I know life is beautiful and blah blah but honestly I just don’t care. I love my family and the handful of people I consider friends but I still don’t wanna be around. They’re great and I have fun with them sometimes but I don’t want a future and I don’t want to deal with life which might just mean I am lazy but I’m done. I cant get myself to kill myself but I have a strong desire to just not exist.