Our baby is 10w. I want to be cool and collected and fair, like “I got this. You need your own time...blah blah..” when my husband asks to go jam with the old band most of tomorrow (Saturday)—but in my heart—no, I feel abandoned.

I don’t want to be home alone again with baby. I count down the hours to the weekend so we can be together!

[side note about how great my husband is and our relationship good]

My DH is the best. He took on my two kids and I many years ago (they are teens now), has a great career and provides for us, runs many errands, gives rides, does cooking and housework—we share all of these duties. We decided to have a baby together, he’s here now, he’s amazing, we love him. All that good stuff.

[end of side note]

But, listen, I live in Minnesota. The winter has been INSANE. Did you know February broke record for the most snow fall in history in MN??!! Something like 35 inches!

Even so, today is the third time this week that I’ll be hauling out the stroller and trudging through slush and snow to get into the mall...just to walk for as many hours as I can. My muscles are atrophying at home.

I went from working to being home all day nursing in my chair. Rocking...burping...left boob...right boob...changing LO’s blowout (oh, breastmilk) diaper...staring out the window at blinding white snow...baby down for nap...try to sleep a bit...nope, baby awake after 10min when I try...back to the chair, back on the boob to repeat...

All day, every day.

You guys know the drill.

It’s beautiful. It is hard. It will pass quickly. I’ll look back longingly. I know it all.

But that’s not the point.

I just can’t help but CRAVE the weekends with my husband home. And now I hate to be a ball and chain. He loves his son...it’s not that. And yes, I do attend mommy baby booby group (lactation meetup) on Mondays, and look for other activities. But let’s be honest, we’re still in a newborn stage, underslept, bad at making plans and keeping them, hardly showering much less getting dressed each day—just still all over the place in that regard.

The only one who can really be IN this thing with me is my husband. I’m not even trying to go have “mommy time” — it’s not about that. Its about accepting that we are in a newboorn phase where it just is what it is and we do it together when we can. Know what I mean?

So when he texts to go jam tomorrow from 12-7 my unfortunate reaction is WHAT THE F@&!

I’m not mad at him. I’m just like, ugh, don’t make me pretend not to care...don’t make me make you stay home.

Anyone else (in a similar position as SAHM with husband/wife/partner working normal 40hr week) feel like every extra hour they are away from home is like a big deal? Love baby but count down the minutes to not be home alone with baby?

PS. I MISS SUMMER AND SUNSHINE.

Oh, to go outside for a walk....