I had strong lines and positive digital tests (2-3weeks) last week and based on lmp was 5w3. By the time I got into my doctor this Tuesday my beta hcg was only 16 and digital dropped to 1-2 weeks. The office ignored my phone calls and never called me in (I saw my results online). Yesterday I took 3 tests, all negative and started having back pain so DH and I went into urgent care where we discovered my levels had gone down to 12 and there was no visible pregnancy on ultrasounds.

This morning I woke up drenched in sweat with all pregnancy symptoms gone and shortly after started cramping with back pain and bleeding. Urgent care has referred me to our hospital’s early pregnancy unit as the specialist there saw my case and is worried about a possible ectopic. I don’t think this is the case as my pain isn’t awful, my levels have gone down and today feels like the first day of a really bad period.

DH and I are absolutely devastated. Only we and my parents knew and they were over the moon. He’s been amazing and nothing but supportive (walked me around the zoo, took the day off work to be with me and bought me treats and pads) but he feels so guilty for “doing this to me”. He’s told me he loves me more today than I think he has over our years together. The urgent care doctor reassured us that we are both healthy and sometimes these things just naturally happen but I still feel guilty and so so sad.

I can’t help but wonder if it was something I did or ate or anything even though I know it’s silly to dwell on these things. I’m almost afraid at this point to ever have be intimate like that with my partner in case we go through this again. I’m in pain physically and emotionally; every time I go to the bathroom I cry. I know we were very early on but how do I heal? How do we start healing together?

And to all you beautiful women who have gone through this or anything similar I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart and praying for you all.