I’m in my 30s.

Here I sit. Just finished a movie on Netflix. My boyfriend lives miles away.

We’ve been dating for about five months exclusively since day one. Committed.

Tonight I was thinking about someone in my past. I was married for six months and he was abusive and cheated on me. He left and divorced me.

I wasn’t thinking of him tonight.

I was thinking of this man. This one I was friends with professionally for over a year. I’ve never mixed business and personal. But one evening I was having some wine and crying outside after my now ex husband and I had a fight and he raged and I was scared to go inside. So this man randomly texted me and just said something funny. Well it led to me going over which nothing happened.

Once my husband left I ended up going back over and we had intense sex. It was the best I’ve ever had. I’ve never been with someone I just craved. It was so different.

After so we stopped on the professional level and also friendship.

I leveled out after the terrible marriage and divorce.

He left town and I didn’t know. But he texted me the other day and said he was sorry and was making mends and apologized that he messed up our professional relationship and crossed the line with me and he respected me and was so sorry. I of course forgave him and that was that.

Well tonight I started thinking. I’ve never ever met someone that I had that physical and emotional connection with. What was it. Was I just hurt and wanting love and comfort? Was it lust? Should I forget it and carry on with life?