My period is due in 4 days. Up to about now I really thought I might be pregnant. I have hot flashes at night, suddenly my partners smoking makes me nauseous, and I have a lot of discharge. All I was waiting for the sore boobs to start or implantation bleeding and that’d be my sign to take a pregnancy test, or at least buy one for when my period was supposed to start.

I feel pretty sad because I thought that this was it, and I got emotionally prepared for taking the test. I hype myself up too much and the stress of it definitely won’t help me conceive. Honestly I know that I need to just let it happen, and stop planning it so much. I was secretly upset with my boyfriend for not wanting to have sex the day I was ovulating last month. Of course I didn’t push it because if he doesn’t want to have sex, he doesn’t want to.

Hopefully this month I finally conceive. But I promise myself I won’t hype myself up like that ever again.

None of that really made sense but I need to get it off my chest. It’s nearly 4am here and I can’t stop thinking about it.