I just want this feeling to stop

I’m going through the most heart break I ever felt well my first actually heart I’m 22 ... when I’m around my friends and family I stop crying and hold everything inside but the minute I’m alone and even alone in public I’m balling my eyes out ..today was my first day School and i had to keep excusing my self just to cry in the girls bathroom .. I hate feeling like this ..I wish so many things could have been different ..I wish I can have him back but I feel like that won’t happen ever happen

I’ll explain my heart break story maybe in an update here...