I hate him !! I wish I never met him.. I wish I never fell in love with him and let him treat me so badly .. I always thought he was the best but in all honesty he’s the worst. He failed to be there for me when I really needed him the most he didn’t care .. and I hate myself for overlooking that and being blind to that for the sake of wanting to be with him .. he saw my weakness for him and just abused it .. not only was he not there for me he made sure to break me emotionally as well .. fought with me and made sure I knew he didn’t care about me and what I went through .. and I constantly ask myself why am I going through this .. why do I have this kind of man in my life .. he doesn’t actually love me .. he wasn’t there for me .. he doesn’t respect me or do what I tell him .. he just wants me but he doesn’t even know how to keep me ... cause I’ve stayed for nothing .. I don’t want him I can’t get over what he did I’m just soooooo angry all the time cause of everything that transpired ... I miss him but I miss the old him the him before we got married not this him who I can’t stand .. I know I’ll always love him but I don’t know if I’ll ever be in love with him ever again .. I don’t trust that he’ll be there for me and take care of me and be honest and protect me and love me .. I just want someone who will love me forever and be there for me and help me and grow with me and is honest and hardworking and respectful ... I’m scared to go out there and meet someone new cause I want him but I don’t want him like this .. I just need my space cause I’m sad .. I’m hurt and everythjng that I ignored and bottled up to be happy is creepying out cause things were never supposed to be like that .. I just want to be over all of this .. I want to clean my hands and be happy again .. this is all over whelming

Seeing all the happy married couples and the newly fathers loving their children and being there for their wives break my heart cause I didn’t get to have that .. I did it alone .. and somehow I still want to be with this man