Okay so here’s some backstory...

My husband and I have been married going on three years this Tuesday. (3/12)

Before we got married he was the sweetest man I had ever met...

He was my Prince Charming.

When we got married he told me and my entire family he was Ex Military..had photos in uniform, stories, the whole nine yards you name it.

Well fast forward a couple months and I’m 8 months pregnant and receive a message on Facebook from a girl saying she’s been sleeping with my husband for the last couple months and had no idea I even existed. So when I confronted my husband about it he lied through his teeth and denied even knowing who she was so when I asked her for proof she sent me a picture of his dick. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Pretty hard to escape that one. 🙄 He begged and begged for me to give him another chance promising up and down that he would change... so I did. (BIG MISTAKE)

We started doing really well after that... he started sharing more of what was going on with him at work and we were communicating more.. things were great. Then, TWO WEEKS after our son is born I receive a phone call from another Woman saying he told her we were split up and she had no idea we were still married that she had been seeing him.

Y’all my world shattered....

I told his sister about it because I didn’t have any friends to turn to and at some point in that conversation I said something about him being in the military and she started laughing hysterically. I very quickly learned that was all a lie... anything and everything I ever knew about him was a lie.

I went down a very dark hole.. I was put on so many different medications for postpartum depression to try and fix what he had done to me but that only made me feel numb, like I was hiding under a mask...

So we started couples counseling together to try and fix our marriage! I was determined he could be a better person and that we really were meant for each other. In our quest through marriage counseling we (or just I) learned he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Which in my case just means he is very emotionally abusive and only cares about himself. The counselor said he lies about his whole life and cheats to feed his ego. He didn’t accept it... but we were still trying to make things work.

2 other girls later and my self esteem is in the trash.. I don’t know who I am anymore other than his wife. That’s all I am anymore.. I’ve lost my own identity behind him. I am who he says I am.

Well fast forward a year and he hasn’t cheated anymore so I was thinking maybe he really did change.. maybe this is it! All the hard work has paid off! And he had mentioned wanting to try for our second child and things were great again so I we did and a month later found out I was pregnant. I shared my insecurities with him about reliving my first pregnancy and finding out he was cheating and falling into that depression again and he calmed my fears and promised me he’s changed.

My daughter is now three weeks old and here I am sleeping in my sons bed...

I received a phone call tonight from one of the previous women saying that my husband has been contacting her again and when I asked him about it he denied any and all of it until she sent me the messages... I showed him and he wouldn’t say a thing to me.

I have no idea where to even begin but I am so done this time. If not for me, for both of my kids. I refuse to lose myself again over him and miss out on all that precious bonding time with them while they’re young.

But I would love some emotion support and any advice... 💕

We’re renting a home together with a 1&1/2 year lease left and his mother watches our son so we can both work.

I can’t afford to do it all on my own and I have no idea how to file for a divorce. I don’t even know where to begin.

Thank you all so much in advance. ❤️