There was this guy at my bank who always seemed to be the most handsome guy that I have ever seen. After about 5 months of flirting with him, he finally asked me out in the funniest of ways. He had just written a time and place on a sticky note as well as his number and for me to bring my cleats ( he was a rugby player and I play soccer). I went to the practice and it honestly was the weirdest but best date I have ever been on. That was on Monday, by Wednesday he was already asking to take me to ice cream, to which I of course said yes. He came and got me and took me and we spent the whole time talking and getting to know each other. After the ice cream place closed we went back to my college campus and just walked around and talked for like 3 more hours. ( no kiss no hand holding just talking). And then on Friday he took me to a a little lake and we just walked and talked for a while before we went to dinner and then we talked for a couple more hours after dinner. Finally before he was ready to walk me back to my place, he kissed me and it was just random and honestly it was so perfect. I should of known that I had fallen in love right there but I didn’t know.

Fast forward 2 weeks, he tells me he got accepted to his dream college and he is leaving and he can’t do long distance. Give it another week and he comes back saying that his past experiences shouldn’t affect the feeling we have for each other and the future he wants with me. All this time I am falling more and more in love with him and I didn’t know. We honestly talked a lot and went on a few dates. Slowly my roommate started to not like him cause he didn’t fit in with who she wanted me to be with. This started to affect mine and his relationship to a point I had to call it quits in a 2 month span. I mean he and I had a lot to work on before he left but we could of done it if my roommate hadn’t made it so hard for us. When I called it quits I didn’t know I loved him till one of my best friends told me that this is what love feels like. (I saw my future with him. I saw myself marrying him and wanting to waking up next to him every morning. I saw myself having kids and just living an amazing life with him)

It’s been 6 months since I broke it off, 3 months since I have seen him and I haven’t stopped crying I haven’t stoped loving him and I want closure or to resolve our problems and get him back but I’m too sciared I messed it up or that I don’t deserve him. He also left for Utah in January to go to school there and I don’t know out of the 2 schools he got into which one he chose to go to 😓

I surprised him with this picture on the way to a rock climbing gym ❤️

Someone please help me figure out what to do 😭