Is it okay for a hardworking husband to stay out late (past midnight) once or twice a week?

Question

My husband works in construction, roofing to be specific but he is a mechanic as well. Which he enjoys more.

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I think weekly is a bit much personally. I mean what time does he get off work? Is he going out immediately after leaving work? Where is he going?

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Yeah of course. Marriage shouldn't be a prison sentence lol

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Of course! Jesus why do people think that being in a relationship means you own the other person and can dictate what they can’t and can’t do...obviously there are things that are harmful to a relationship e.g. cheating, that neither person should do unless they’re cool with it. But going out and socialising weekly is a basic human right - if he so wishes to do that! He is his own person first and foremost. To deny him being able to socialise with other people is wrong. He is an individual.

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When my hubby has a busy work week, he can go have some fun and blow off steam freely. Usually every saturday hes off carting or idk what.. All i know is ill have muddy clothes to wash 😂 but thats alright, i think its good for them to get that stress release.

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That is between you two.  My husband doesn’t but he doesn’t like going out.  He doesn’t really have friends.  But every man is different.  If you don’t like something all you can do is talk about with him.

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I really see no reason to be out that late ever unless we are going to a concert or something. Thankfully my husband is usually in bed by 10pm so if he is going to do a night out he’s home by like 8 😂.

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I need more information:
✅ Do you work or stay home with kids?
✅ Do you go out? Have friends/socialize? Does this interfere with that?
✅ If you have kids at home; How many, how old are they?
✅ Does this cause stress or financial burdens on you or the family/kids?
✅ Do you both make time for each other each during the week as well (and does this interfere with that time)?
I can only speak on behalf of my circumstances, but my husband and I have 3 kids and both work full time (own a private practice together). That, in itself, doesn’t lend much time to go out a lot during the week- and usually the weekends are reserved for family together time and date nights. We plan social activities about 1-2x a month (usually in groups together) and/or 1x a month we each spend a night out with friends separately. Alternatively, we’ll plan lunch or coffee with our friends so it doesn’t interfere with evenings. He also trains BJJ once a week and gets his “bro time” there... and I’ll have play dates once a week with a couple moms once a week so it’s good “friend time”.
Staying out late usually = sleeping in later or being tired the next day, which means you’re not really engaged the NEXT day, too. So it’s not just about *that night*. It bleeds into the following day.

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Sorry it took so long I had no minutes on my phone. The backstory.....
 We've been married six years. Dating three years before that then separated a year then two before we married. He has always been stingy with money from day one. Getting any money from him is like prying teeth without pain meds. When we had our daughter who is five, we had a rough labor and she had a brain bleed and developed polymicrogyria which causes epilepsy and delays.. so I use to work, something always happens and he convinces me to quit. (Exp. His grandmother got sick so he wanted me to go and take care of her, ruby has a seizure and I wasn't there so he guilts me, one of the girls get but at the babysitter's or I'm just not making enough for it to be worth it in his eyes). He started going out by himself, to hang out with the boys then. Never was a problem. He has a damn hard job! So then we moved to a more remote place... My friends slowly stopped coming to actually visit. We had another Baby girl who is now three. Then he just stopped taking us with him period. I was taking too long or the girls would get cold but I could come in my car if I wanted then I could leave before him. Around this time he started developing a like for mechanic work so then every time I would want to go get some me time, he would be busy and I can never find anyone to watch my kids for free... I ended up leaving him. Was tired of his shit... His manipulating me. Not spending time with us. He convinced me to come back and well I had no money no car.. nothing in my name... i started a job and loved it! He even ot better with involving us in his life! Then I started working more hours, He wouldn't help with child care and I ended up kinda screwing myself cuz only so many people will watch your kids for a year with no money being made for them. I found out I was pregnant again. And after Christmas stopped working cuz it was shipping and packaging. He was insisting he would change and I wouldn't have to worry bout nothing. So I went out for my birthday and stayed out pretty late like two in the morning. I was the D.D. And so now he goes out to work on cars all the time after work. Yes home around 9 everyday but on Fridays and Saturdays he'll come home a little after two and always tells me if I can do it he can. But I can't go out anymore because I never have gas money and he won't give me money to go hang out with my girl-friends even if they offer to get me. It wouldn't bother me so damn much if he would answer my messages or when he leaves tell me the truth and not say I'll be home before the girls bed time at 9... :/ And not drive home completely wasted! I just feel lonely and totally unwanted like he just doesn't want to be home with us... Well me... I posted this to see if there is any similar stories or like what can i do? Friendly advice please miss he is his own person... I know he is but if all he ever wanted to be was his own person and not someone's husband or someone's father I wish he would have just not even tried and left me at my parent's.

Answer

I don't think so, is he out drinking?

Answer

It’s not that black and white. 
Is his drinking a problem? Is it excessive? Is it affecting your marriage? Do you two get to spend enough quality time together?

Is it okay for a hardworking husband to stay out late (past midnight) once or twice a week?

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