I hate my dad

Here’s the thing. I hate my dad. I grew up feeling like I had just my mom because she was the only one in the couple who cared about us. Sure, he provided us financially, but there was nothing more to it. No affection, no communication, no nothing.

Then me and my sister found out that he cheated on my mom, with multiple, multiple women. Before he even got with my mom he got another woman pregnant, and he hid that from us all. It was a complete shock for everyone.

I despised my father even more because of that. He was a coward, serial cheater (he cheated on his first wife as well — I think it was one of the main reasons that they split), and he didn’t treat us well. For example he’d only call me when he’d need help with his computer. Whenever I asked him about something, he would answer me but before that, he’d say hurtful things like « Come on, don’t be so stupid, daughter. » (I kid you fucking not). He’s also borderline mysoginistic.

I remember he went on for a speech because I didn’t make my bed (I admit, I was lazy) and said: « if you don’t clean, cook, be feminine, you’re not going to find a man, no one’s gonna want you. Your role as a woman is to clean up and cook. » What a fucking loser.

Now when he and my mom came to see me in my apt in France, I told them I didn’t want to pursue medical school because it just wasn’t for me (they kinda forced me to take that route, because being a doctor is a « lucrative job », totally disregarding my interests...).

I had a huge argument with my dad because he’s a doctor and he thought I’d wanna follow his steps even though I specifically told them I wanted to do something else. Now he’s big mad at me because I told him the truth right in his face.

My mom wants me to write him an APOLOGY LETTER (what a joke...) to prove I’m really sorry for saying what I said (¿I’m really not tho?), and she even said he’s threatening not to send money at all anymore. So like I’m stuck, I HATE being in that situation.

I hate being told what to do when I know I haven’t done anything wrong and I don’t need to apologize. Yet she’s pressing me to apologize to him. But it’s like... I have so much built up anger and disgust towards this individual because of his behaviour towards us (ignoring/not caring about us, about me especially, i.e. forcing me to follow his steps when I didn’t want to) and towards my mom (cheating & lying) that the idea of giving an apology is impossible to me.

I’m still angry and frustrated while writing this... It’s unbelievable. He’s been verbally abusive towards us all and I didn’t realize it because I was so young, but now it’s finally starting to add up and I’m starting to see him for the piece of shit that he is.

I told you he’s a doc, right? Well. He treats his patients WAY BETTER than he treats us! He’s a completely different person when no one’s watching him. Again, a pathetic human. I’m utterly disgusted.

What makes me sad is that some of my friends have a fusion with their father — they’re just so close, almost like best friends, and... I just will never know/have anything like this. It’s so sad. I recently cut off my dad because I wanted to cut off his abuse and his toxic influence. And it worked. I’m living better.

But now my mom wants me to write this shitty ass apology letter to him because he’s the breadwinner and he’s threatening to not send money.

What should I do my loves? I’m completely lost.