This is a long story, and if you're a ftm with labor anxiety, maybe avoid this one.

My due date was March 3rd, 2019. On Wednesday February 27th I had a doctors visit and my doctor said I looked like I was about to go in labor. However, my cervix was barely 1cm at this point.

On Thursday, Feb 28th around 3:30PM I lost my mucous plug and it was twinged with blood. Throughout the rest of the afternoon I lost a little more blood. Around 8:00PM I began feeling my first contractions. I guessed they were around 10 minutes apart and about 30 seconds in length. Around 9:00PM my hubby said you seem like your much closer together than what you're guessing. He timed them and come to find out my perception of time was totally off. My contractions had actually been 5 minutes or less apart and around 50-60 seconds. My contractions then became about 2 minutes apart and still 50 seconds in length. Hubby is telling me we need to go, but I dont think Im in enough pain. We head to the hospital around 11PM. Monitor shows contractions are consistently 1-3 minutes apart. However, Im still only 1cm dilated and 80% effaced. We were sent home and I am confused as to what to think. At this point its been hours of consistent contractions.  

Cue to Friday, March 1st. Contractions have not stopped all night and next day. We are talking no breaks ever. We pull an all nighter as I've been quite uncomfortable and cannot sleep through the pain. Contractions are never further than 3 minutes apart since they began. Im barely able to eat or drink. No meals, just a few bites here/there between contractions. I have my husband bring the dogs to a kennel, certain baby is coming soon. I believe it was around 4PM and I am beginning to lose control.  Mentally exhausted and having trouble breathing and staying calm. I wouldnt say the pain was much worst, just my focus was gone. We head back to the hospital around 4PM. Bumps in road are hell and intensify the pain.  Monitor shows all contractions still within 5 minutes apart, but not consistently at 1-3 minutes. Im checked and only 1.5cm dilated. I can't believe it. Dr begins talking about false labor and Im so overwhelmed. This feels so real and painful. I ask at what point do we induce? And am firmly told not until 41 weeks. I ask how am I supposed to know when to return as Im in lots of pain and contractions are consistent. Im told pain will be 10x worst. I feel overwhelmed at this point. How does anyone have unmedicated birth? I ask dr what if I just dont dilate (Ive had a pelvic infection before and biopsies). Im reassured the specific procedure I had does not injure the cervix and I will dilate just fine. Im offered morphine and a chance to rest and sleep at hospital. I take this offering. Pain is still too much to sleep through, but the edge is off and I am able to calm my brain. My husband passes out and sleeps for 4 hours. When I feel the morphine beginning to wear off I wake my husband and we get discharged and go home. Its about 9PM. I begrudgingly tell my husband we are not going back until I feel the urge to push. We get home and husband sleeps again. I am still unable to sleep, but morphine holds off a tiny bit of pain next few hours. I find my head nodding between contractions.

We are now at Saturday, March 2nd. (5 years ago husband and I met ♡). I am exhausted. Mentally done. All mental focus is gone. I am unable to handle the pain anymore and at times screaming through contractions. At one point I have a panic attack and can't breathe. Husband being as supportive as possible. At one point Im screaming at him to bring me back, that I need morphine. He won't. I hate him briefly, but then find everything too exhausting. By the evening I begin to feel just out of it. I'll have a bad contraction and my body doesn't even react. Other times I scream. Im not even sure what time it is, but well into the evening husband thinks we should call again. Im angry and make him do it. Husband explains everything. This dr has us come in says we will see where Im at and come up with a plan for me. At the hospital they don't even bother hooking me to monitors, they immediately check my cervix. I am at 4cm and can be stretched to 5cm. I begin sobbing with relief. She tells me they'll admit me and gives me a stern look and says I am getting an epidural and sleeping until its time to push. I dont care about anything, just that it'll be over soon. Im given the epidural, and it is heaven. I still feel too much to sleep, but dont care. Im able to relax. I think my husband may have napped at this point. Who knows. I just remember my husband doing the math and by the time I've been admitted itd been 50 hours since my first consistent contractions. Dr breaks my waters once I have epidural. At some point in the night Im started on antibiotics due to a fever. Epidural seems inconsistent. We keep doing different positions to help it work all over (rolling to side, leaning forward). I wont let them re-do it b/c even when it only works on one side its such relief, Im unwilling to chance it not working at all.

Sunday March 3rd. I think I may be dilating due to an intense burning sensation in my vaginal area. Come to find out Im allergic to the iodine used before the catheter. Once we rinse that area pain subsides. Around 6AM epidural is really just easing pain, but still feel a lot. I feel my body begin pushing on its own. Nurse tells me to just relax and allow body to do its thing. So I let it happen, but hope the fact that these pushes feel "weak" is due to epidiral. My cervix is checked again and the person checking me mutters "interesting." Different dr comes in awhile later and checks me again. I am informed I am still at 5cm. I am so confused. Why is my body pushing? There's some commotion among staff. And a little before 8AM the dr who sent me home Friday is there. She tells me they would have expected to see some progress in the 10 hours Id been there and that I could try a little longer or... I chime in that my instinct since my second hospital visit has been that my body will not dilate and can we please get my baby out safely. Even if I got to 10cm I dont feel strong enough to push. Dr says great, I was only going to give you one more hour before a big heart-to-heart. Everything begins happening fast at this point. Epidural is taken out and everyone is running around. To my relief I am advised to do a spinal tap since epidural was inconsistent.

Around 8AM I am prepped and wheeled to OR. Husband is sent away for my spinal. I am told it would hurt, but didnt even feel the two pricks. Im complimented on how still I am during contractions, but at this point I am exhausted beyond feeling. The spinal tap was like sinking into a warm bath. Im given oxygen which perks me up a little. I hear a dr say thats meconium in her waters, we NEED to get moving. I half jump off the table yelling "what" and dr tells me everythings great as husband comes through doors. Husband begins talking to me and I become calm again. I feel little tugs here there. A comment of "no wonder, look how big this baby is" and then told I will feel pressure and like I cant breathe. This happens and immediately I hear my son screaming. I am sobbing with relief and emotions. They pop his beautiful head over the curtain for a moment and he is given to the pediatrician. My husband is looking from me to baby, and I tell him to go be with him. Still crying and watching as best I can from table. Hubby calls out "he has golden hair" and my normally robotic husband sounds so emotional. Though he's squeamish he cuts the cord. Its like Im in a dream. Pediatrician is explaining from across room that she needs to take baby for antibiotics while I am cleaned up (this is standard protocol when Mom has fever). Im allowed about 30 seconds of cuddling before this and someone snaps a picture. I tell my husband to go with him. The next 2 hours are torture. Im told to sleep, but husband had my phone and I dont know where our baby is or whats happening. Husband comes back back halfway through this 2 hour period to tell me baby is fine and show me pictures. My dr comes in when husband leaves again and explains that baby was face up and his head was pressing on my cervix at an angle. This is why I didnt dilate more. So I had been in labor full time. She said vbac is possible, but if I have more children Ill need to do a growth scan at 36 weeks. Even if our baby had been in perfect position he still would have gotten stuck in my pelvis as I am too small for a baby that size. So vbac may ne possible in the future for me, but only if my next is smaller. (I was never offered a growth scan for this pregnancy fyi, but neither did I ask). An hour later they wheel me to my baby and I feed him while we both receive more antibiotics. I feel like Im in heaven.

So there's my novel. Our son, Elias Grey Downs, came into the world after 60 hours of labor and one cesarean.  He ended up arriving exactly on our due date too. Elias weighed 9lbs, 6 ounces and was 21.5" long ♡