So I used to at one point take anti-depressant meds but I stopped 6months prior while on birth control before getting pregnant. I am now 7w 4days.. my lupus already sent me to the ER twice! Once at 4 weeks pregnant and once just a few days ago at 7weeks. Due to extreme elevated levels of inflammation heart rate at 120! And gets down to only 106 at resting! So I’m in extreme pain! Like I’m sick of ending up there I don’t even sleep and I work full time on my feet because we need the money!! I’m becoming so depressed from the pain I’ve already lost 5lbs since falling pregnant... which usually with the steroids in higher doses I gain gain gain! Even my narco for pain at the highest dose prescribed doesn’t work. I’m crying writing this I legit feel like I’ll never live pain free ever. I’m just a 25 year old stuck in an ill 50year olds body and it’s been this way since I was 23. Lupus took so much from my life so many days living in the ER and in my bed or even my couch when I’m too ill to not climb my stairs.

Sorry for the vent I just needed someone to talk to I just pray I don’t loose another baby I’m so scared it will literally kill me after I’ve lost 3 and one being lost at 26weeks(water broke at 23wks) my heart can’t bare anymore loss anymore pain. I live in Washington state and all of my family are in NY state and I can’t even visit because I’m too scared to be without my doctor but I’m so lonely too.