I deserve so much more..

I honestly am so upset with myself. I love so much and so hard and I never get love in return. My mom left me, my biological father left me, my adoptive father left me, my aunt and uncle left me. Well I left them but it was because my uncle was sexually abusing me. I’m 18, in college and pregnant. I don’t have a car or a job. I live with my baby’s father who is my boyfriend but doesn’t act like it. He’s awful to me. Telling me how I’ll never be anything, how stupid and incompetent I am. Never saying anything nice to me at all, only points out my flaws, calls me a cow now that I’m 37 weeks pregnant. I just can’t catch a break. Like I just need one person to care about me. I do everything to make my boyfriend happy. I try sooo hard. I’m always uplifting him and telling him how great he is in hopes that he will change and do the same for me but that obviously doesn’t work. I feel so sad. I’m not depressed, I know that I am a good, beautiful, kind person. But man does he try to knock me down. I can’t leave him because where will I go? Ugh I just want to run away with my little one and find what I know I deserve. I will be the best mother no matter what. Idk what I’m looking to get out of this post but I’m just feeling so bad tonight after hours of emotional abuse. Pray that things will get better for me. I’m staying strong for my baby💙