I was going to post this on the Mental Health support page but there’s not a lot of people in that group and a lot of posts go unanswered.

I’ve never been suicidal or anything, not diagnosed with a mental disorder... but I’m having a lot of suicidal thoughts and I don’t know what step I need to take.

I’m pregnant. 12 weeks. I’m having a hard time, I have a condition that makes me puke all day every day and I’m nauseas 24/7. I go days without eating or drinking, and I’ve lost 20lbs. Not a day goes by where I feel good. I’m just sick, and it’s been like this for the last 6 weeks. I’m unable to work, unable to get out of bed, unable to take care of my kids let alone take care of myself. My husband works 12 hours a day, six days a week. I feel awful that he has to come home and clean and cook and put the kids to bed, but I literally have no energy to do it. I can’t hug my children or my husband, when I do, I have to run to the bathroom and puke because body heat makes me nauseas. I’m irritable because I’m starving, I’m weak because I’m dehydrated. My doctor has fed me prescription after prescription to help with the nausea, but nothing is working. I just want it to end. I have contemplated taking an entire bottle of Tylenol. I’ve contemplated drowning myself in the tub. I’ve contemplated driving my car into a pole. I can’t keep living like this. I don’t know what to do. Someone please help me.

Update:

I appreciate the responses, but I’d like to remain anonymous. To answer some questions, I haven’t told anyone I feel like this, especially not my doctor. I’m scared it will backfire and my children will be taken from me. I just explain to her how awful I feel and she’s been concerned with the weight loss and takes the time to figure out new medications and combos I can try. Diclegis and Reglan were no goes, so I’m on Zofran and Phenergan right now. Unfortunately with my condition, there’s no cure, it just is something you have to live with. I’ve been pregnant 5 times and I have had this condition (Hyperemesis Gravidarum) every time. It’s always been awful, but I’ve never had suicidal thoughts with it. This is new territory. As for abortion, it’s not an option for me- my last pregnancy (my 4th), I had an abortion because my kidneys were failing from being too dehydrated and my heart was having issues because my potassium was so low and I couldn’t keep the potassium supplements down. For my physical health, we decided to terminate at 9 weeks. It was the hardest decision I have made in my life. I was on birth control and unfortunately had to take antibiotics for an infection and the antibiotics counteracted my birth control and I became pregnant again. In order to get my tubes tied so I never have to worry about it again, I have to finish this pregnancy. In my area doctors won’t do it unless you’re 28 or have 3 kids. So 3 kids is the route I have to take because I’m only 24. I’m not trying to post a sob story, but this was totally unplanned and I didn’t expect the suicidal thoughts at all. They honestly just started a week ago, but I can’t shake them.

Also, I’ve been hospitalized several times already, just for a few hours where they fill me up with fluids and give me a Phenergan suppository and send me home. My potassium levels have been fine so far, and my kidneys are working fine, so they just don’t seem so concerned this time. Which is great, but I still can’t function that well.