So recently I had found out I was 5 weeks pregnant, it happened very unexpectedly and very unplanned I was in-denial

For several days, this wasn’t my first pregnancy but my third, first one was a miscarriage and 2nd I had my beautiful daughter who’s now 4. I normally always a day or 2 late, but I was 5 days late so I decided to test at home and It confirmed I was pregnant. I had a rush of emotions I didn’t know what to do me and my boyfriend of 8 years been so rocky lately fighting constantly one day after another. When he found out I was Pregnant he was in shock as much as I was. I had scheduled a Doctors appointment for the following week and as days went on he was so harsh and mean telling me this is my fault, I should of been taking care of myself and so on. I cried almost everyday and night I felt heart broken and didn’t have nobody to talk to about how i felt. I tried to communicate with him but it just wouldn’t get anywhere. When I went to the drs office I got a limited ultrasound and it did confirm I was 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant. When I saw the monitor I cried and couldn’t believe it. I called him right away and told him how I felt that I saw my little baby. And since the last few days he had more compassion and feeling I actually felt he was there for me. We talked about it when I went home. We agreed it wasn’t the right time at the moment I felt strong enough to go through the abortion process so I did. 2 days before my doctors appointment he told me about his other child and his Child’s. Mother which I knew about since we first got together. He told me she was getting deported and was going to meet with her to see his daughter. Before I never felt any type of anger towards them but this time I did. He brought them into our home while I was at work and didn’t bother to let me know I was upset and angry. I felt betrayed and lied to. Was I wrong for that? I felt disrespected because he didn’t tell me but he said I need to be checked and I’m the one who disrespected. He been treating me horribly. Besides being overly emotional I’m still pregnant ( at the time) the day finally comes and i agree to go through the abortion. I had mixed feelings I felt scared and I wondering if I was making the right decision but I would just think I couldn’t handle 9 months of his stress and not being there for me. It was an emotional day I had to give up my baby I cried so much and wish things would of been differently... it’s been only the 2nd day after my abortion and I’m still oh so sad. I felt like I lost a part of myself... my boyfriend called off work and was actually taking care of me throughout my pains. I feel detached still as much as he apologized and told me he’d be there I’m sad. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again mentally. Sorry for the long story I don’t have close girlfriends and it’s hard to communicate with my partner.